THE LAST OF THE DAYTONS
by
Diane Grant
What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
- Crowfoot, Native American warrior and orator (1821-1890)
Melina Biddle: A grandmother
Bob Biddle: Melina's husband
Patti: Melina's invisible friend
Devon Biddle: Her grandson, seventeen
Jodie Biddle: Her daughter, thirty-four
Matthew Dayton: An antique dealer, a stranger, thirty
ACT ONE
SCENE ONE
SETTING:
A large almost empty living room in an old house. There is a large lamp shaped like an angel, a sofa with large cushions, and a wastebasket.
TIME: The present. Late afternoon.
AT RISE: Offstage, we hear a loud pounding on the front door. Then, again. The door opens and Melina Biddle enters. She’s wearing a beret and a leather jacket.
MELINA
(listens)
Me, too. Starving. Want a Twinkie? I know where she hides them.
(exits. We hear offstage noise of cupboard doors opening and closing. Offstage, Melina sings.)
“There was blood on the saddle
There was blood on the ground
And a great big puddle of ….”
(speaks, offstage)
Found em!
(re-enters with two Twinkies in a box, puts the box on one on the arm of the sofa.)
Here we go. Two left.
(eating)
Listen, we’ve got to eat. After we get out of here, let’s go to Carl’s, get us a couple of Super Stars. My treat.
(listens)
Do I care? High cholesterol. What a crock.
(Devon enters, smoking a joint. He’s wearing a Beckam jersey with a bustier over it, spandex tights and Nikes. He has earphones on.)
DEVON
(exhales)
Hidiliho, Grandma. I didn’t hear you come in.
(puts the earphones on his shoulders)
MELINA
Sleeping, weren’t you, Bub? With the door unlocked.
DEVON
I forgot.
MELINA
You could be murdered in your bed.
DEVON
We can’t stay long. Bid’s in the hospital.
DEVON
Gramps is sick?
MELINA
They’re taking his leg off, tomorrow morning.
DEVON
He’s tough, Gram.
MELINA
Not anymore. He’s a dandelion clock. Breathe on him and he’ll blow away.
You found the Twinkies.
(picks up the Twinkie)
Mother’s going to freak.
Put that down! That’s Patti’s.
(chewing, to Patti)
You don’t need this, do you, Patti?
(to Melina)
She’s getting a big butt.
MELINA
Better than a big mouth. Where’s your Mother?
At the cemetery. Did you tell her you were coming over?
MELINA
Nope.
DEVON
Ooo,ooo,ooo. Sugar rush.
JODIE
(calling offstage)
Why is the pickup parked out on the lawn?
DEVON
Merde. She’s here.
(He waves his arms about, flaps a tea towel, hides the Twinkie box. The door opens and Jodie Biddle enters, wearing a tangerine dress and tangerine slingbacks.)
JODIE
(to Melina)
Whatever it is, Mother, the answer is, “No.”
MELINA
The door was unlocked when we got here.
JODIE
(to Devon)
You know how I feel about that.
DEVON
Are you working this weekend?
Café Robert, two shifts.
DEVON
(using the French pronunciation)
It's Café Robert.
JODIE
OK. Robert. Two shifts.
DEVON
I’ve got a game on Saturday. Aren’t you coming?
JODIE
Can I do both?
MELINA
What makes you think I want something?
JODIE
You always want something, Mother.
(She gestures “Gimme,” to Melina.)
MELINA
What?
JODIE
Just hand it over.
(Melina takes a gun out of her jacket and hands it to Jodie.)
I knew it. What did I say about carrying a gun?
MELINA
It isn’t easy giving up something you love.
DEVON
She’s in a twelve step program.
JODIE
And what step does this represent?
DEVON
Six?
JODIE
Step one. Get rid of the gun.
MELINA
I've had that gun since you were seventeen years old.
(Jodie puts the gun in the wastebasket.)
It’s every woman for herself. Are they going to help the little guy? Did they help the postmen who inhaled all that anthrax? Take a Tylenol and go home. You’ll be fine. You’ll be dead.
JODIE
You’re always on amber! Turn off Fox news. Cancel the newspapers, collect postcards, play bingo, go ballroom dancing. What’s that smell?
I can’t smell anything.
JODIE
That’s because you have no sense of smell. But I do.
(to Devon)
And how dare you write a note to Mrs. Beates?
Il pleure dans mon coeur comme il pleut sur la ville.
DEVON
JODIE
She works on commission. If you’re going to fall in love, fall in love with a salaried employee.
(to Melina)
Why is your old furniture in the pickup truck?
(She sits down.)
Don’t sit on Patti! She’s just had her hair done.
JODIE
I’m nowhere near her. What kind of perfume is that?
MELINA
Summer Breeze.
JODIE
She wears far too much.
(sighs)
Why do I come home?
My feet are on fire. At lunchtime, I walked all the way from the Duck Pond to the Hall of the Crucifixion.
MELINA
Patti bought you something.
(She pulls a tangerine scarf out of her pocket.)
It’s tangerine.
JODIE
I can see that Mother. How come?
MELINA
It’s for your birthday. Belated.
JODIE
My birthday’s tomorrow.
MELINA
Do you want it or not?
(Jodie tries it on, and admires it.)
JODIE
It’s very pretty. Thank you, Patti.
(suddenly alarmed)
Why’d Patti have her hair done?
MELINA
We went to the hospital to see Bid.
JODIE
Why’s he in the hospital?
MELINA
He fell in the bathroom.
JODIE
How?
MELINA
He got up about four this morning. I heard a huge clunk, went in and found him out cold on the floor. He’d cut his head and there was blood everywhere. So I called the ambulance.
DEVON
They’re taking his leg off.
JODIE
What?
MELINA
Tomorrow morning.
JODIE
Why are they going to take his leg off?
MELINA
I don’t know.
JODIE
Who told you? The doctors?
MELINA
There were two of them. Shugalter and Slack. It was on their name tags.
JODIE
Which leg?
DEVON
I wonder what they do with the parts?
MELINA
He hasn’t had any feeling in his feet for years.
What did Dad say about it?
MELINA
He wouldn’t tell me anything. He said he didn’t want me to know.
JODIE
You’d know tomorrow.
DEVON
I bet they throw them into a big furnace in the basement.
MELINA
He’ll have to live on the ground floor, now. Won’t be able to do the apartment stairs.
DEVON
Whooosh!
JODIE
(suddenly understanding)
Oh, no! Absolutely not.
MELINA
Did I ask you to take him in?
JODIE
I’m not stupid, Mother.
DEVON
She could tell the time when she was nine months old.
JODIE
I can’t take care of Dad. I can barely take care of Devon. Look at him.
DEVON
What? I’m cool.
MELINA
Who bought us a mansion in the Bel-Air Hills?
JODIE
Who moved us to a trailer park at the top of Topanga?
MELINA
Who gave you this house?
JODIE
He’d make me crazy in three days.
MELINA
Don’t you care about him?
JODIE
Ask me a question I can answer.
MELINA
It’s a big house, Jodie.
JODIE
Why is the furniture in the back of the truck?
MELINA
I took it out of storage.
JODIE
Why?
MELINA
It’s for you.
DEVON
(looking out the window)
Gram, that’s huge.
MELINA
Happy Birthday, baby!
JODIE
I don’t want it.
MELINA
Why?
JODIE
Why can’t I have a normal life? A man who loves me, a son who speaks English, a mother who watches One Life to Live and does a little shopping on the weekends. That’s all I dream of.
(She exits.)
MELINA
She’s gonna love it.
DEVON
Can you come to my game, Gram?
MELINA
Got to be with Bid, boy.
(Offstage, we hear cupboards opening and banging shut.)
DEVON
You always come.
MELINA
It’s only this once. He’ll need me after the operation.
DEVON
Ce ne fait rien.
JODIE
(screams, offstage, enters, to Melina.)
You took my Twinkies!
MELINA
You could get diabetes and you know where that leads to.
JODIE
You have no respect.
MELINA
Jodie, look at that truck. There’s a lot of fine furniture in there. Just say the word and we take everything out of the truck and move it in. Chairs and tables. Shelves. Lamps.
In two days, we’ll have this place full of stuff and looking good.
JODIE
I don’t want it.
MELINA
(yells out the window)
Hey, you. Yeah, you. Get away from that stuff.
JODIE
(looks out the window)
Mother. It’s just somebody passing by.
(She leaves the window.)
MELINA
(yells out the window)
Get away from it or I’ll blow your head off!
(to Devon)
Quick! He’s taking off.
(Devon looks out the window.)
DEVON
I don’t see anybody.
MELINA
(looks out the window)
You missed him.
(to Patti)
What d’ya mean, he looked alright?
(to Devon)
She trusts everybody. He was staring at the house.
JODIE
(amused)
He’s coming for you, Mother. Somebody tipped off Homeland Security.
(She exits.)
MELINA
She’s laughing. We’re breaking her down. You wanna come with us, Bub?
DEVON
Where’re you going?
MELINA
We’re hitting Carl’s for a Superstar. My treat. Then, we’ll go see Bid.
DEVON
Fantastique!
MELINA
(looking out the window)
Do me a favor, will ya? Bring in that table.
DEVON
(looking out the window)
Which one?
MELINA
The one at the top of the pile.
(Devon exits. Melina keeps looking out the window.)
MELINA
(to Patti)
You know when we bought that? Jodalina was about eleven, in sixth grade. She used to sit under it and do her homework. Cute as a bug.
(calling out to Devon)
Bring it in.
(to Patti)
Give me wood any day. You can take your chrome and glass tables. Have a toddler over and you’re nervous as a cat.
(opens door and Devon enters, carrying a small table)
Beautiful. Let’s put it over here.
(Devon puts it down.)
DEVON
How’s that?
(Jodies enters, wearing a jogging suit and carrying her Nikes.)
JODIE
(to Melina)
Dammit, Mother. What did I tell you?
DEVON
It was falling off the truck.
(Devon and Melina head for the door.)
JODIE
(to Devon)
And where do you think you’re going?
Not in my bustier, you’re not.
DEVON
You never wear it.
(He tries to take if off and can't. Jodie undoes the back.)
MELINA
I'm going to wash my hands.
JODIE
Gun powder residue?
(Melina exits.)
You wear this just to torture me.
DEVON
I'm searching for myself.
JODIE
In my underwear?
(Jodie yanks on the back of the bustier, gets it off.)
DEVON
Ow! Jodie, I've asked somebody over tomorrow.
JODIE
On my birthday?
DEVON
It was the only time he could come.
JODIE
Well, if you've asked him, you've asked him.
DEVON
He's really important to me and I want you to be nice to him.
JODIE
I'm nice to everybody.
DEVON
It's someone I met on the Web.
JODIE
What!?
(Melina enters.)
MELINA
(to Devon)
Come on, Bub. We're moving out.
(throws him keys)
Start the truck, will ya?
DEVON
Sure.
(to Jodie)
See ya.
(He exits.)
JODIE
(calling)
On the Web?
MELINA
We’ll bring the rest of the stuff in when we get back.
JODIE
Do and you die.
(Jodie sits on sofa, and puts on her Nikes, to Patti)
Your hair looks very nice.
(to Melina)
What time will you be home?
MELINA
(Offstage, the truck starts up. Melina starts for the door, then races to the wastebasket. Jodie beats her to it and puts her hand over it.)
MELINA
That gun is mine.
JODIE
It’s dangerous.
I’m an expert markswoman.
JODIE
(quoting)
Here lies a man named Zeke.
Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.
MELINA
(to Jodie)
You leave that boy alone on weekends, he’ll grow up to be a bum.
(to Patti)
Patti. What are ya still sitting there for?
(Melina exits. Jodie sniffs the air, runs to the sofa and looks behind the cushions. She finds the empty Twinkie box.)
JODIE
Oh, I hate that!
(Offstage, we hear the truck leaving. Jodie sits on the sofa. Quoting)
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
(She gets up, takes the box and exits to the kitchen. There's a knock at the door.)
JODIE (offstage, continued)
What do you want, now?
(The knocking continues.)
Just come in!
(Jodie enters. MATTHEW DAYTON enters, carrying a gift wrapped parcel.)
MATTHEW
Jodie?
(Jodie screams, grabs the gun from the wastebasket and points it at him.)
JODIE
Get back. Don’t come near me.
(Matthew drops the parcel and puts his hands in the air.)
MATTHEW
Don’t kill me. Don’t kill me.
JODIE
Come any closer and I will.
MATTHEW
You’re Jodie, aren’t you? Jodie Biddle?
JODIE
How did you know my name?
MATTHEW
I’m Matthew.
JODIE
Get out of here, Matthew.
MATTHEW
Don’t you know me?
JODIE
(shouts)
Get out of here or I’ll shoot!
(Matthew freezes, then backs out the door. Jodie looks at the gun in her hand and carefully puts it in the waste basket. Faints. Matthew looks around the door, sees her. He picks up the parcel, puts it on the sofa and then kneels beside her.
She comes to, sees him, gasps.)
MATTHEW
Are you all right?
(Jodie stares at him.)
JODIE
I forgot to lock the door.
MATTHEW
I’m sorry I surprised you. I didn’t know exactly what to do when you said, “Come in,” so I came in.
JODIE
How did you know my name?
MATTHEW
You’re Devon’s Mom, aren’t you?
JODIE
You’re a friend of Devon’s?
MATTHEW
We met online.
JODIE
On the Web! Of course.
MATTHEW
Are you sure you're all right?
JODIE
You're not what I expected.
MATTHEW
(indicating her jogging suit)
That's…
JODIE
This? It's from Ross, Dress For Less. Seventy-five dollars, marked down to twenty-nine, ninety-five.
MATTHEW
Your hands are shaking.
(Matthew takes her hands and they look at each other with warmth and mutual attraction. Suddenly aware, Jodie takes her hands back and gets up.)
JODIE
Would you like a drink? Some milk or a soda?
A soda would be great.
(looks around)
That lamp is really something.
It’s from the memento shop at the cemetery, where I work. It has a slight flaw in the back, so they let me buy it. Cheap.
(Jodie exits, then renters.)
Wait a minute. I saw you out in front. You were going to steal our furniture.
MATTHEW
No.
JODIE
You were going through our things.
MATTHEW
I always look, that’s all. It’s a bad habit. I’m an antique dealer.
JODIE
Antique dealer?
MATTHEW
I’m an appraiser. There were a couple of very good dining room chairs in there.
(looks)
Somebody yelled at me through that window.
JODIE
My Mother.
MATTHEW
She’s....
JODIE
(ironically)
Isn’t she?
MATTHEW
JODIE
She’s gone. She’d never sell them.
MATTHEW
Who?
JODIE
Mother. The chairs are hers.
MATTHEW
I’m not here about the chairs!
JODIE
Why are you?
MATTHEW
Didn’t Devon tell you?
JODIE
He never tells me anything.
MATTHEW
I’m Matthew Dayton.
JODIE
Dayton?
MATTHEW
Matthew Dayton.
JODIE
Are you related to George Remington Dayton?
MATTHEW
I’m his kid brother.
JODIE
Georgie’s brother wasn’t called Matthew.
MATTHEW
I’m Walter Matthew Dayton.
(shows her his license)
See.
JODIE
He called you Wally.
MATTHEW
Or Walnut or sometimes just Nutty.
JODIE
(looks at licence)
Bellingham, Washington. So that’s where he went.
MATTHEW
(He gives her an envelope, which she opens. Jodie takes out contents and looks at them.)
My birth certificate.
(about the photos)
That’s George and me sailing. There we are at the park, playing ball. See. That’s George in his uniform. Just before he left for the Gulf War.
JODIE
He was in Desert Storm?
MATTHEW
Yes.
JODIE
Why?
MATTHEW
To be all he could be, I guess.
JODIE
Does Devon know about George?
MATTHEW
That's why I'm here! We met on LostRelatives.com. I saw his post and answered it.
JODIE
What post?
MATTHEW
Bastard son searching for George Remington Dayton.
JODIE
(alarmed)
Oh! Is George coming, too?
MATTHEW
No.
JODIE
Why?
MATTHEW
He was killed.
(Silence.)
MATTHEW
Devon and I are the last of the Daytons.
JODIE
Your Mom and Dad?
MATTHEW
They died in a sailing accident in the Queen Charlotte Islands three years ago.
JODIE
You don’t look like him.
MATTHEW
I was the goofy looking one.
JODIE
No, I remember now. You were the charmer.
I had to be charming. I was the goofy looking one.
JODIE
What do you do in Bellingham?
MATTHEW
Did. I managed a Lamps-R-Us.
JODIE
That’s nice.
MATTHEW
It was terrible. Every chance I got, I’d drive to the country, buy all kinds of antiques, throw them into my truck, and sell them in the city. Have you heard of Boylan’s Antiques?
JODIE
No.
MATTHEW
It’s well known in the trade. Mr. Boylan hired me.
JODIE
Here?
MATTHEW
It’s my first big break. If I do well here, he wants me to manage his Seattle gallery.
JODIE
You’re moving here?
MATTHEW
Everything I own is in the truck.
JODIE
You and Mother are going to get along.
MATTHEW
Excuse me?
JODIE
Just a joke.
(Matthew picks up parcel, offers it to Jodie.)
MATTHEW
It’s a present. For your birthday.
JODIE
My birthday’s tomorrow.
MATTHEW
I know. Devon told me.
(Jodie gives him the parcel.)
JODIE
Would you open that for me? My hands still aren’t working.
(Matthew opens the parcel.)
Ho Hos!
MATTHEW
Gelsons was out of Twinkies.
JODIE
How did you know? Don’t tell me.
(about the Ho Hos)
Would you like one?
MATTHEW
Thanks.
JODIE
I'll get that soda.
MATTHEW
If we're having Ho Ho's, make mine milk.
JODIE
Right.
(Matthew collapses on the sofa, looks around. He puts the bag in the waste basket, sees the gun, gingerly picks it up.
The door opens and Bob Biddle enters, in his pajamas, with a gauze bandage on his forehead. Matthew swings around, pointing the gun at him.)
BOB
Don’t shoot!
(Matthew looks down at the gun. Bob, yells, races across the room, grabs it and wrestles it out of Matthew’s hand. He throws Matthew to the floor and puts his foot on him.)
MATTHEW
Get off! Get off!
(Jodie enters.)
JODIE
Let him go.
(Bob takes his foot off Matthew. Matthew gets up, to Matthew)
Are you all right?
MATTHEW
(to Jodie)
You should get rid of that gun.
JODIE
(to Bob)
Give me that.
(Bob gives her the gun. Jodie puts the gun in the wastebasket.)
Your leg looks fine. I thought it had to come off.
BOB
Tweetie bird, the feet aren’t so hot but the leg is hunky-dory. How much money you got?
JODIE
None.
BOB
My plastic is maxed, chicken. I need you.
JODIE
Why’d she think it was coming off?
BOB
Who?
JODIE
Mother. She thought you were losing your left leg.
BOB
I wasn't. Arsenio was.
JODIE
Who is Arsenio?
BOB
The guy in the room next to me. Gangrene. The smell was something fierce.
JODIE
You let her believe it was you, didn’t you?
BOB
I didn’t want to spoil her fun.
JODIE
That is so mean.
BOB
It gets her juices flowing. She likes that.
(offers his hand)
I’m sorry about the attack, buddy. I’m Bob Biddle.
MATTHEW
You’re Devon’s grandfather!
BOB
He’s my boy.
MATTHEW
You must be so proud of him.
BOB
I am.
MATTHEW
He’s really something - straight A student, President of the Debating Society, Editor of The Sentient Voice, MVP in soccer, two years in a row?
BOB AND JODIE
Devon?
JODIE
(to Bob)
How did you get here?
BOB
I walked.
JODIE
In your pajamas?
BOB
Nobody even looked at me. No, that’s a lie. I fell asleep on a bus bench and somebody put five bucks in my pocket. You got anything for thirst, tweetie?
JODIE
Do you want some milk?
BOB
Soda.
JODIE
No soda for you. You know that.
BOB
Why don’t get some living room furniture?
JODIE
I want one room that isn’t full of stuff.
MATTHEW
Why?
JODIE
I can’t breathe in a crowded room.
MATTHEW
When my ex moved, she took every stick. She even took the doorknobs.
JODIE
What a shock.
MATTHEW
They were good looking doorknobs.
JODIE
(to Matthew)
I’ll be right back. Don’t give him any money.
(She exits. Matthew sits on the sofa.)
BOB
You got any money?
MATTHEW
No.
BOB
Fifteen years ago, I had six apartment buildings, each approximately ninety units, each one with an average of twelve hundred dollars a month rent, nearly always full, with a market value of eight million, nine.
When I think about what they’d be worth today.
MATTHEW
Three times that.
BOB
More. I had a mansion in Bel Air with a guest house at the edge of the ravine.
MATTHEW
That must have been magnificent.
BOB
I could have done without the guest house.
MATTHEW
All your relatives came to stay. Right?
BOB
Something like that.
MATTHEW
Wow. So you're Bob.
BOB
That's what I'm told.
MATTHEW
It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
(He puts out his hand and Bob shakes it.)
BOB
I would have put my tie on but I was getting out fast.
MATTHEW
The magic man of real estate.
BOB
I'm an ex magic man, Matthew. Today, I’ve got diddley-squat.
MATTHEW
You've got this beautiful house.
BOB
I bought this for Jodie. I rented it out until the mortgage was paid off and now it's hers, free and clear. She and the boy moved in on her birthday two years ago.
MATTHEW
That's a very nice birthday present.
BOB
Yep. And I do have one choice piece of property left. It's in Needles.
MATTHEW
Needles?
BOB
It’s a town on the Colorado River, at the foot of the mountains, off Route 66. After I get myself a small infusion of cash, I’m headed that way. Have you ever been there?
MATTHEW
No.
BOB
Neither have I.
MATTHEW
Why do you want to go?
BOB
It's a fisherman's paradise.
MATTHEW
That good, huh?
BOB
That's what they tell me. And it’s smog-free, hot in the summer, mild in the winter. Every breath of air a dollar in the bank of good health.
(sits on the sofa next to Matthew)
I feel like I’m waiting for the Downtown Express. Wouldn’t you think she could buy a chair?
MATTHEW
When I got here, there was a pickup truck on the lawn full of furniture. There was a dining room table, some rugs, and a diamond pattern cut crystal desk lamp with a pleated shade.
BOB
No kidding.
MATTHEW
There were some good chairs under the rugs but I didn’t get a really good look at them.
(Jodie enters with a soda for Bob, gives it to him.)
JODIE
Did you ask him for money?
BOB
He doesn’t have any.
(She takes a cushion and puts it on the floor. Matthew picks up the waste basket.)
MATTHEW
Could I take this somewhere else?
JODIE
Why don’t you put it in the kitchen?
MATTHEW
O.K.
(Matthew exits.)
BOB
Who is this bozo? He thinks he knows me. Does he?
JODIE
In a way.
BOB
He reminds me of somebody. Something about the nose.
JODIE
He’s Georgie’s brother.
BOB
Georgie?
JODIE
Dayton. He’s George Dayton’s kid brother.
BOB
Are you kidding me?
JODIE
He’s four years younger than George. He was still in middle school when we were going together.
BOB
It’s the same guy?
JODIE
I think so.
BOB
What does he want?
JODIE
I don’t know.
(Lights down on their area.)
SCENE TWO
SETTING: A Park
TIME: Late afternoon.
AT RISE: SFX: a pickup truck coming to a stop, then birds, a water fountain, children playing in the distance. Lights come up on Devon and Melina, who enter, carrying two dining room chairs.
Devon’s drinking a jumbo soda through a straw.
DEVON
(putting down the chairs)
Here you go, Gram.
MELINA
(listening, to Patti)
Hold your horses. Sit on that one.
(to Devon)
Some chairs, huh?
DEVON
Yeah. La vie en rose.
MELINA
One time, we had eight of them around the dining room table. Why are you so antsy today? Get yourself something to sit on.
DEVON
I’ll sit on the grass.
MELINA
You’ll catch your death. I don’t believe all that junk about global warming. The glaciers are melting in Montana. Says who? By the end of August, I’m turning on the gas furnace in the morning.
DEVON
I can stand.
MELINA
Just get the chair, Bub.
(He exits. Melina’s holding a Carl’s takeout bag, to Patti)
I spoil you. I really do.
(pats the cushion of the chair)
Isn’t this cushion pretty?
(listens, to Patti)
You always see her side of things. She’ll get used to it. I can’t pay the storage. Do you know how often they raise those rates?
(Devon enters, carrying his jacket.)
DEVON
I found my jacket. I can sit on it.
Suit yourself.
(Devon puts his jacket down. Sits on it.)
DEVON
Is Patti going to eat that?
MELINA
You already had two Superstars and a large fries.
DEVON
I’m dying of hunger.
MELINA
There are worse things you can die from.
DEVON
Like?
MELINA
Mad cow disease, for one.
DEVON
Imagine your brain melting with little holes all through it.
MELINA
I don’t have to.
(listens, to Patti)
What?
(listens)
It’s your lunch. You can do what you want.
(hands him the bag)
Here you go, bub.
(Offstage bouzouki music from a boombox.)
Listen to that music. You can dance to that. Bid and I met at a dance. Did I tell you that?
DEVON
That’s music?
MELINA
Haven’t you ever heard bouzouki music before?
DEVON
No.
MELINA
It’s Greek. Like me.
DEVON
You’re not Greek.
MELINA
I’ve got a Greek name.
DEVON
Doesn’t mean you’re Greek.
MELINA
I can pretend, can’t I? I was named Emily for my mother but I changed it to Melina after I saw this movie, Never on Sunday. You ever see that?
DEVON
No.
MELINA
You should watch AMC once in a while. You’d learn something. It was about this Greek hooker and the actress who played her was named Melina. I thought that’s the name for me.
DEVON
You wanted to be named after a hooker?
MELINA
I wanted to be from a place where it’s always warm.
(Bouzouki music. Softly)
DEVON
Gram? Why don't I have my own name?
MELINA
You do.
DEVON
It’s Gramp’s and Jodie’s name.
MELINA
You’re Devon Archibald Biddle. Archibald after my father. You're a lot like him, you know.
DEVON
I am?
MELINA
You've got his grace and his rhythm. He was a great dancer. He used to put little tricky steps into the foxtrot so you had to be on your toes. Ha ha.
DEVON
Ha ha.
MELINA
Sometimes, after dinner, we turned on the radio and danced. I felt like I was in a big ballroom in a long turquoise gown, with a gardenia corsage and white gloves and
four-inch heels with bows on the toes.
DEVON
He was a great guy, wasn't he?
MELINA
The best. He was the top Watkins salesman in the territory from nineteen fifty-one to nineteen fifty-three. He was making his rounds when he died.
DEVON
Si triste, Gram.
He was so young. The highway patrol found his Chevy the Tuesday before Christmas, stopped in the middle of nowhere. It was twenty below and he was under a blanket in the back seat, frozen to death. All his stuff was in there…
DEVON
…Watkins Red liniment, Petro-Carbo ointment.
MELINA
He’d had a lot of Beef Iron and Wine tonic but it didn’t save him. You know what else was he had in there, don’t you?
DEVON
A box of tangerines.
MELINA
He bought us a box every Christmas. I was crazy about tangerines.
DEVON
What are they like?
MELINA
Every tangerine in the box is wrapped in tissue paper. You pick one out of the tissue and the skin is so thin, sometimes you can take the whole peel off in one go. You eat the pieces one by one and the juice is so sweet.
You feel like you have summer in the palm of your hand.
Bid and I bought them every Christmas for Jodie. That big box was always the first thing she saw under the tree.
DEVON
Nice.
MELINA
Happy times.
(The music stops.)
There must have been two hundred people at the funeral. After it was over, Mother took off.
DEVON
You never found out where she went, did you?
MELINA
I was fifteen so they put me in foster homes.
DEVON
That's tough.
MELINA
You know why? You don't know what the rules are. What gets you a laugh in one family gets you a swat in another.
DEVON
You got swatted.
MELINA
And thumped. It's strange. When someone in your family dies, part of you dies, too. Your history's gone. There's no one to say, "Remember when?" Did this really happen? Or am I just making it up?
Then, I met Patti. I got a job in a dairy, cleaning out the ice cream vats, and there she was at the bottom of an ice cream vat.
(listens, laughs)
Twenty-one bucks a week and all the ice cream you could eat.
(to Patti)
You knew everything about me, didn't you? The old stories, the jokes, the songs.
DEVON
I know a lot of them, now.
MELINA
And we've got our own stories, too, haven't we?
DEVON
Yeah.
MELINA
(to Devon)
Patti and I had a ball. She left me for a while. But she came back when I needed her.
(to Patti)
Didn’t you, kid?
DEVON
Gram, I want my father’s name.
MELINA
What for? He was a bum.
DEVON
Did you know him?
MELINA
I knew he was a bum.
DEVON
I have his genes, don’t I? Does that make me a bum, too?
MELINA
You’ve got all sorts of genes. Great ones.
(to Patti)
You butt out, Miss Patticakes. This is between me and Dev.
DEVON
He doesn’t look like a bum. He looks smart and nice.
MELINA
What do you mean?
DEVON
I found his photo.
MELINA
Whose?
DEVON
My father’s. I found it in Jodie’s things. A year ago. In her underwear drawer.
(He takes a photo out of his fanny pack.)
MELINA
You went through her things?
DEVON
She goes through mine. She's got a secret compartment in there. It's got her yearbook and a class ring and his football letter. And some dried up flowers.
(hands her the photo)
Look. He was my father.
(Melina looks at the photo.)
Read the back.
MELINA
(reading)
I’ll love you forever. Your one and only. George.
He’s in her yearbook in the senior class, too.
MELINA
That doesn’t mean he was your father.
DEVON
She got pregnant in her senior year. I was born right after she graduated. Look at his eyes. They’re mine. Look at his chin. It’s mine.
MELINA
Bushwa. You’ve got my eyes. You’ve got your grandfather’s chin.
DEVON
No. He was my father.
MELINA
How do you know? Did you talk to him?
DEVON
I couldn't. He's dead.
MELINA
George died?
DEVON
You did know him!
MELINA
I knew who he was.
DEVON
Why didn’t I meet him?
MELINA
I don’t want to talk about it!
DEVON
I do. You had your father. I want mine.
(Bouzouki music up. Lights fade. They exit.)
Why do astronauts always say, “When I get back, I’m going to order a pizza?”
JODIE
They've all been to Bellini’s.
MATTHEW
That must be it. This is really nice of you, Jodie. Right now, I'd be sitting all alone in my room at the Best Western. When did you say Dev'd be home?
JODIE
Nine.
MATTHEW
God, I saw his first message at two in the morning. I was up getting some hot milk.
(sips his wine)
Mmm.
JODIE
Good, isn't it?
MATTHEW
You look just the same, Jodie.
JODIE
Oh, right.
MATTHEW
OK, not exactly. You're wearing shoes.
JODIE
I always did, didn't I?
MATTHEW
No. Don't you remember? You went barefoot most of the time. I went to the park with you and George once…
JODIE
…You went to the park with us?
MATTHEW
Uh huh. I wasn't actually invited.
JODIE
Oh.
MATTHEW
The first thing you did was take your shoes off.
JODIE
I haven't thought about that for years! I used to walk barefoot at school, too. I was always being written up!
MATTHEW
I had a crush on you from that day on.
JODIE
Did you?
MATTHEW
You were the prettiest girl in the entire neighborhood.
JODIE
Well, thank you.
MATTHEW
(looking in his wallet, pulling out photos and handing them to Jodie)
Dev emailed me this photo of you at the beach. You're barefoot, there, too.
JODIE
I hate having my picture taken.
MATTHEW
(pointing to one)
Dev's pretty solemn here, isn't he?
JODIE
That's at his middle school graduation.
MATTHEW
Is that a cracked tooth in front?
JODIE
He fell at recess. Cost a fortune to fix.
(Matthew looks at the next one.)
MATTHEW
Where's that?
JODIE
At the movies. Mother used to take him on Saturdays. They specialized in blood and gore.
(Matthew looks at another.)
MATTHEW
(laughs)
That fish is bigger than he is.
JODIE
He was only ten. He and Dad used to pile into the truck, drive up to Shasta Lake, and fish.
MATTHEW
He looks very pleased with himself.
JODIE
He was. I used to worry about them because Dad's such a wild driver. That's one of the reasons Dev wanted to go, of course. Dad's his hero.
MATTHEW
(still looking at the photo)
Georgie was my hero.
JODIE
(suddenly cold)
Really.
MATTHEW
(putting the photos away)
I hope we get to know each other better.
JODIE
There's not much to know. About me.
MATTHEW
In six months, I've learned a few things.
JODIE
You've been talking to Devon for six months?
MATTHEW
(nods)
You're always wearing tangerine, you hide the Twinkies, you collect epitaphs, and you can't cook.
JODIE
What else do you talk about?
MATTHEW
The neighbor's dog - he's a yappy Jack Russell Terrier - Foofighters, Damien Rice, my grand plans for the future, difficult relationships, the meaning of life.
JODIE
Devon talks about his relationships?
MATTHEW
Sure. He was going to come up to Bellingham at Spring Break.
JODIE
He was!?
MATTHEW
But I got the offer from Mr. Boylan, so we decided to meet here.
JODIE
Just a minute. You were going to let a seventeen year old boy travel up to Bellingham?
MATTHEW
He said he wanted to come.
JODIE
Alone?
MATTHEW
I guess so.
JODIE
You just let him think he could? You didn't suggest that he ask his Mother, who knew nothing about you?
MATTHEW
I thought you did.
JODIE
You talked about everything under the sun except that he was keeping your conversations a secret from me. How was he going to get there? How long was he going to stay?
MATTHEW
We didn't talk about it.
JODIE
Did you want him to come?
MATTHEW
Yeah.
JODIE
Why?
MATTHEW
To… hang out.
JODIE
That's it?
MATTHEW
What else would it be?
JODIE
You're very interested in him, Matthew.
MATTHEW
Oh, you're not suggesting…
(looks at her face)
I see. I'm a pederast.
JODIE
I didn't say that!
MATTHEW
But that’s what you meant, wasn’t it?
JODIE
I just asked you what you wanted from my son.
MATTHEW
I didn’t want anything from him.
JODIE
Uh huh.
MATTHEW
When I saw Dev's message, it felt like a miracle. I had nobody. Mom and Dad died and then three years later, my wife, whom I adored, left me. There was a hole in my heart the size of China.
Then, suddenly, I discovered I had a….nephew, a crazy kid who thought that I was pretty terrific, too. Today, I met his mother, this wonderful woman I remembered with such affection
and who turned out to be as beautiful as she was seventeen years ago.
(getting up)
All I wanted was to be was part of Devon's life. All I hoped was that you would open the door and let me in. That's it.
(Matthew exits.)
JODIE
Matthew?
(confused, she sits for a moment, than stands and calls)
Matthew!?
(She picks up her purse and rushes out after him.)
SCENE FOUR
LIGHTS UP in main area. 10 pm.
AT RISE: The door opens. Jodie creeps in. She’s still in her jogging suit, wearing the tangerine scarf. She bumps into the chairs. She turns on the angel lamp, sees them, picks up one and bangs it against the floor.
JODIE
Why, why, why, Mother? You drive me crazy.
(Devon comes in, wearing pajama bottoms and a T-shirt.)
DEVON
Where have you been?
JODIE
Out. Why are these chairs here?
DEVON
Gram brought them in.
JODIE
And you didn’t stop her?
DEVON
If you didn’t want them, you should have stayed home. She took the gun back, too.
JODIE
Good. She can shoot someone in her own house.
DEVON
She almost shot Gramps. She's kicked him out. Again.
JODIE
Did you know there’s nothing wrong with his leg?
DEVON
Have you been drinking?
JODIE
Two glasses of wine. What’s wrong with that?
DEVON
If I got drunk and didn’t let anybody know where I was, I’d be in big trouble.
Mother said you wouldn’t be back until nine.
DEVON
It’s after ten! You didn't even call!
JODIE
I did. You weren’t at Mother’s. You weren’t at the hospital. I couldn’t find you.
DEVON
You couldn’t find me because I’m the only seventeen year old on the entire planet who doesn’t have a cellphone.
JODIE
When you have a minimum of four hundred and fifty dollars a year to throw out the window, you can buy yourself one.
DEVON
Where is he? Gramps said he was here.
JODIE
Matthew?
DEVON
Yes, Matthew. My uncle. Don't pretend you don't know.
JODIE
Why didn't you tell me about George?
DEVON
I tried. You don't listen.
JODIE
I can't believe you went online and talked to strangers.
DEVON
I want to know who I am before I die.
JODIE
You could have met a serial killer.
DEVON
What was I supposed to do? I asked you and you said, “He left before you were born. I don't know where he is." Isn’t that right? I thought my Dad was a monster and I'd turn out to be a monster, too.
JODIE
I didn't know where your father was.
DEVON
You didn't care. If you'd really looked, I could have seen him. I could have heard his voice. I could have known his family. My family.
(suddenly)
Did you scare Matthew away?
JODIE
No.
DEVON
You scare all the guys away, Jodie.
JODIE
I did not scare him away.
DEVON
Did he talk about me?
JODIE
He sure did. He told me a lot of things I didn’t know. Your straight A’s.
DEVON
Where did he go?
JODIE
Nowhere. He's parking his car.
DEVON
He's coming in?
JODIE
Yes.
DEVON
When?
JODIE
As soon as he parks his car.
DEVON
Why didn't you tell me? What is it with you?
(He exits, slamming the door. There’s a knock at the front door.)
JODIE
(calling)
Matthew?
MATTHEW
(offstage, calling)
Yes.
(Jodie opens the door. Matthew enters.)
Now I know why your Mother parks on the lawn.
JODIE
Did you find a spot?
MATTHEW
Two blocks over. Are you sure about this?
JODIE
Yes. I'm glad you came back.
(calling)
Devon!
MATTHEW
(sees the chairs)
Those are the chairs that were in the truck!
(inspects them)
Chippendale. Late nineteenth Century, I think.
JODIE
Really?
Look at this crested rail. See how it projects over the rear posts.
(He feels the curve of the arms and the legs, as if he were a lover.)
It has the S-curved legs and the ball and claw feet. Feel them.
JODIE
What kind of wood is it?
MATTHEW
Mahogany. I have to see these in daylight. The fabric is new.
JODIE
Mother had the seats covered to match the dining room walls.
(She trails off. Devon has come in and can’t speak.)
Devon, this is Matthew Dayton. Matthew, Devon.
(They shake hands.)
MATTHEW AND DEVON
Hi.
MATTHEW
It’s good to meet you.
DEVON
C’est un grand plaisir.
MATTHEW
Me, too. We meet at last.
DEVON
Enfin.
(They hug, suddenly, convulsively. Pat each other on the back, ruffle each other’s hair.)
MATTHEW
This is good. This is really good.
DEVON
It is. It’s good.
MATTHEW
I got in early, so I thought I’d take a chance and come over today. I know I should have called but my cell phone battery was dead and I was on the road and....
DEVON
It’s OK, I don’t even have a cell phone.
MATTHEW
You look just like him, man.
DEVON
Like George?
MATTHEW
Yeah. You do.
(to Jodie)
Doesn’t he look like George?
JODIE
Does he?
MATTHEW
His hair’s the same. Look at those ears. Those are the Dayton ears!
DEVON
Fantastique!
MATTHEW
George hated those ears.
JODIE
They look like perfectly ordinary ears to me.
MATTHEW
George was weird about his looks. Don’t you remember? He thought his ears were too low and his forehead was too high.
DEVON
She doesn’t remember anything.
MATTHEW
He always wore shades and his baseball cap backwards.
JODIE
I remember that.
DEVON
Did you hang out together?
MATTHEW
All the time. He’d try to shake me but sometimes he’d give in and we’d go to Baskin Robbins for doubles.
What flavor?
MATTHEW
He was crazy for Pink Bubblegum but he liked Strawberry Cheesecake, too. In a sugar cone. He’d take a lick and say “Delishhhous.” We’d fool around in the store, going Delishhhous, delisshous, until we got thrown out.
DEVON
Delishhhous.
MATTHEW
He liked words.
(to Jodie)
Do you remember that?
(Jodie nods.)
When he was a kid, he used to say Y for L and acrimony and cheese for macaroni and cheese so we always asked Mom for a yittle bit of acrimony and cheese. He kept doing it just to make me crack up.
DEVON
What was her name?
MATTHEW
Aurelia.
JODIE
Aurelia and…
MATTHEW
Hank.
JODIE
That's right.
(Offstage, the truck pulls up and parks.)
Tell me it isn’t.
(She goes to the window.)
MATTHEW
It’s late. I should be going.
JODIE
(looking out)
It is.
DEVON
We’ve got some Ho Hos in the kitchen. Can you stay for a Ho Ho?
JODIE
(amazed)
How did you find them?
(Bob enters, still in pajamas.)
BOB
Did somebody say, “Ho Hos?”
JODIE
Oh, no.
BOB
Love you, too, chicken.
(The front door opens and Melina enters, rolling in a suitcase.)
MELINA
(to Bob)
Well, if it isn't Hopalong.
(to Jodie)
What's he still doing here?
JODIE
Ask him.
MELINA
We’re not staying if he is.
JODIE
Good. You don’t have to.
MELINA
You’re not leaving that boy alone all weekend. Patti and I are going to take care of him.
BOB
He’s not alone. I’m here.
JODIE
No, you’re not. You’re out of here in the morning.
(Jodie exits.)
BOB
(calling)
I’m your father and the head of this family, tweetie bird, and I’ll stay as long as I please.
(to Matthew)
And don’t think it’ll be fun. What was your name again?
MATTHEW
Matthew.
MELINA
(to Devon)
That's the guy who was pawing through my things! What’s the matter with you?
(She reaches into her jacket)
BOB
Don't you dare pull out that gun!
MATTHEW
She still has the gun?
BOB
My wife, armed and dangerous.
DEVON
Grams, he’s not a thief. He’s an antiques dealer.
MATTHEW
You have some beautiful things.
MELINA
Which you were going to waltz away with?
I wouldn’t lie to you. If I’d had a good look at these chairs…
MELINA
What? These?
BOB
Why?
MATTHEW
They’re Chippendale, late nineteenth century, I think.
BOB
They’re worth something?
MATTHEW
If I’m right.
BOB
How much can you get for them?
MATTHEW
I wouldn’t want to say until I can take them into the gallery. Mr. Boylan is the expert.
BOB
You can take them to a gallery?
MATTHEW
If you want me to.
BOB
I’ll go with you.
MELINA
You’re not going without us. Those chairs are mine.
(to Patti)
We can play bingo next Friday.
BOB
All that stuff was left in apartment 746, at 19674 Woodlawn after Caleb Anders died. Nobody claimed his furniture and I took it for back rent. That makes those chairs mine.
MELINA
You gave them to me.
MATTHEW
It’s too bad you don’t have the set.
MELINA
I’ve got six more in storage!
MATTHEW
In good condition?
BOB
(to Matthew)
Depends on how many times they rode around in the back of a pickup truck. Where are you staying?
MATTHEW
At the Best Western on Wilshire.
DEVON
You don’t have to stay there.
MATTHEW
What’s that?
DEVON
You could stay here.
MATTHEW
You’ve got a full house.
DEVON
We’ve got three bedrooms. You could bunk in with Gramps.
BOB
What?!
DEVON
(to Bob)
You’ve got two beds in there.
(calling)
Jodie!
(She enters, carrying the Ho Hos.)
Matthew’s staying with us.
JODIE
He is?
DEVON
It was my idea. He can stay, can’t he? He can sleep in Gramps room. If he stays, I won’t be alone.
(to Melina)
You and Patti can go to bingo.
(to Jodie)
For the weekend?
JODIE
OK. For the weekend!
DEVON
Merci, Maman. C’est merveilleux.
JODIE
You said the M word.
DEVON
Did not.
(to Matthew)
Do you like soccer?
MATTHEW
George used to play soccer. He was so fast, man. I used to go to all his games.
DEVON
You can come to mine.
MELINA
I thought I was going to the game.
DEVON
You can both come.
MATTHEW
(to Jodie)
Are you sure?
DEVON
Sure, she’s sure.
BOB
You’re not kicking me out. I’m not leaving those chairs.
MELINA
Well, I’m not leaving my daughter and grandson alone in a house with a stranger.
(to Jodie)
Patti and I’ll bunk in with you.
JODIE
Mother!
DEVON
(to Melina)
He’s not a stranger. He’s part of the family.
( He takes a Ho Ho, to Matthew)
Have one.
MATTHEW
(Matthew takes one, to Jodie)
Thank you.
DEVON
Are your suitcases still in the car?
MATTHEW
Yeah.
JODIE
Suitcases?
DEVON
He can’t leave them in the car. Somebody’ll steal them.
JODIE
Put some shoes on.
(Devon exits.)
MATTHEW
Listen, Jodie, I don’t have to stay here.
JODIE
Well, it’s late.
MATTHEW
If I’m a nuisance, you can throw me out.
JODIE
It’s a deal.
(Devon enters, wearing a baseball cap backwards and shades. He’s put on flipflops.)
DEVON
Ho, ho.
(takes another Ho Ho, bites into it)
Hey. This is delisssshous.
MATTHEW
Delissshous!
DEVON AND MATTHEW
Delisssshous!
MATTHEW
(his arm around Devon's shoulders)
Look at us. We're the last of the Daytons.
(They crack up and exit.)
MELINA
What are you going to do?
JODIE
Nothing.
MELINA
Just let it happen?
JODIE
We’re good at doing nothing, aren’t we?
BOB
Speak for yourself.
JODIE
Devon needs this, Dad.
BOB
What does that have to do with anything?
JODIE
Didn't you see how happy he was?
MELINA
You can be happy driving on a wet road with your eyes closed.
BOB
Have you really thought about it?
JODIE
I've been thinking about it all evening. He wanted to wait for Devon, so we went out for a jog and then, we went to Bellini's, that Italian restaurant on Seventh? It has those little white lights in the
trees out front and a green and red striped awning? So we had dinner and couple of glasses of white wine and I kept hearing Devon's saying, "He's very important to me."
(smiling)
After dinner, one of the customers sang, I'll Be Seeing You.
MELINA
You like him.
JODIE
He's a good person.
BOB
You know that?
JODIE
OK. He seems to be. You don't meet many very good persons, do you?
MELINA
She’s right. Let him have it.
BOB
My God, woman. What about the truth?
JODIE
Who knows what the truth is, Dad. I don't.
BOB
It’s a wicked world, tweetie. I hope you know what you’re doing.
(He takes the last Ho Ho.)
MELINA
(to Bob)
Patti gets the bathroom first.
BOB
I’ll race her for it.
(They exit. Bob comes back and suddenly kisses Jodie.)
Happy Birthday, sweetheart.
(He exits.)
JODIE
(calling)
I see one AK-47, you’re all out of here.
END OF ACT ONE